he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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