i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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