I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ok first of all what the fuck
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
