so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
don't judge my taste in strippers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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