can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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