I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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