I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
