Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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