Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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