2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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