You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
