We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
