Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
