she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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