It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
