Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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