i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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