I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
