how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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