I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize