I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
