Are we in a gay sports bar?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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