Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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