i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
