she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
