I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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