there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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