It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
