I'm gonna have a badass scar
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
