Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is wine microwaveable?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Come on in and take your pants off
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
