So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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