sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
