I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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