Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
