Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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