oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
