eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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