His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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