There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
