just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Pants are for mortals
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
