if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
