Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
