There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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