So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are two peas in an std pod
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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