I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
