I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
