Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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