Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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