He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
