Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
