she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize