NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
