Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
