Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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