I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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