im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My feet surprised me
Randomize
