just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
