I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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