everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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