Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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