OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
