Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.