You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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