I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"