I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
