i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
