Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
