nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
